A Prelude to My Solitary Exodus...

This marks an end to my blogging, hopefully a permanent one at that!!!

I wouldn't like to site any particular reason for this; its just My Solitary Exodus from Humanity n Sanity.....

Thanks goes to everyone who stood by me for these four years; an odd 47 posts long life on the blogosphere... And thanks to those who made me regret it and to those who made me lose my faith...

Regards n Wishes,

Manish Muralidharan

The Brotherhood of The Horns...

The Brotherhod of The Horns!!! Got a nice ring na??? Well, wondering what this is all about? No need of going to all the lengths in guessing the meaning. This is not any pro-Catholic secret sect, nor is it any pro-Nazi anti-Jewish lethal group. For those with Potter-mania, it might ring something. Well, u r wrong again. I hate HP and anything connected with them!!!

What I'm talking about is a "vastly huge" clan spread throughout the world, spanning every continent and country that is inhabitable by humans!!! There is no written documentation available on this group of people.

The first and foremost rule of the Brotherhood (no similarities to Fight Club rules!) is that u don't talk about the Brotherhood. Not that someone will come after u; it's just that no one knows that they are a part of it! The second rule is that there is no thing as a fucking rule!!!

Welcome to The Brotherhood Of The Horns!!! It was during the past two days that I came to realise that such a thing exists and more importantly, that I'm an active member of it. Want to know more? Then read on!

Technically speaking, anyone above the age of 18 (that is vastly regional depending upon ur geographical location) and in possession of a drivers license is a member. U don't need to do anything special to be a member. Once caught in a traffic jam, u automatically qualify! Welcome to the world of fretting, fussing, hissing n cursing!!! Oh I forgot to add, welcome to the world of loud blaring horns!!!

For the past few days, I'm the Transporter. And the passengers are my mom n sis. Since this is the Indian version, I chose a Maruti over the Audi. After all, India comes home in a Maruthi! And on my way back, I have to come thru this one hell of a road thru which all the traffic to the city from the south enters! And barely 10 metres wide at most places and with heavy traffic, this is one the frequent meeting place of The Brotherhood! And I was an active member of the meetings for two days in a row now!

I don't want to bore u with my version of the meeting. So I'll make it short. Today, while returning after a doc's appointment, I was caught in Kuruppam Road. It's the second day that I'm stuck there. Add to that, I had a close shave with an Activa while turning towards this road, thanks to a huge member of the clan, the college bus of Royal Engineering College. And this towering member of a bus was the one who called forth today's meeting. That would have been more than enough for my mom to rethink about the validity of my driving license, but luckily she didn't comment!

Another person worth mentioning here is an astrologer, and a quite famous one at that. He used to be the face of a channel in the early mornings for quite some time. I don't want to mention his name; not that I'm afraid that he will sue me for damage. It's just that the last time I mentioned him (or rather cursed him), I was driving and crossing a road in my car and an Innova came out of nowhere and if I hadn't slammed the brakes hard, I would have been another fine example of his skills at prediction! The matter is really simple- I hate to be an example for others!!!

Now lets come back to this gem of an astrologer. He predicted that I was going to have a hard time till 27. Those who know me for the past few years, especially my college mates, would be laughing hard and may comment, "as if we needed him to tell us this!" Well, I agree (and no name calling in the comments, pls!). Just wanted to enlighten the others on the current state of affairs! Well, he further went on to add that I'm not supposed to drive.. ahem ahem.. any vehicles! And my mom made my dad sell the all-option Zen that we owned when he got transferred to Gujarat! For all those who are interested in astrology or are die hard believers, u might be happy to know that I indeed met with an accident a few months back (if u r still interested, u can go back a few months in the blog n see the post on that!)

So, coming back to the original storyline, I'm stuck behind this private bus in this particular road cos just ahead of this, there is this college bus I was talking about. I don't know for what the hell it had stopped cos I couldn't see any students getting down. And they had stopped it at a nowhere! And adding to that, the real elite class of the clan, the Autorickshaw-wallahs enter the scene from almost all the directions! I can see them coming thru all the possible directions adding to the jam. They are coming even thru the footpaths on which even walking would have been difficult. And then the proceeding begins with the inaugural address by the auto-wallahs. They sing the anthem in unison with a variety of their horns. All is in order and the meeting begins. Soon, everyone is busy voicing their own opinions with their respective horns. And now the second phase and by far the most important phase begins. It's the attendance where u check to verify that every living and dead member from the family of the driver before u is very much alive in their memories. And the "roll-callers" are good enough to prefix and suffix the family with terms of affection starting with M,P,T,K etc.

Happy that we have remembered the family, without whom we would have been nothing, we move onto the next phase. This is attained when u have reached the saturation with ur patience and the name-callings seems so absurd to urself and instead u prefer muttering under the breath. And then u have the endless opportunity to take the huge visual feast around u, i e, neighbouring vehicles. The auto-wallahs n the boys check out all the things remotely feminine in a perimeter of 25 meters around them. And that is when u pass bills for consideration and approval in the meeting. This is also a favourable time for the girls to re-apply their make-up or give the guy in the bike next to hers the all bitchy-haughty look! If u are infinitely bored with the proceedings, u can turn up the music, sing along it, or u could just pick ur nose!!!

Now, many of u might ask me- where did this brotherhood come from when actually it's all hell let loose. Well, u have missed a picture here. Beneath all this, there is a fact that unites us- that we are as pissed off at the things as the guy next to us. And believe me, when u cuss or curse the driver ahead of u, just look around. U'll get that smile or nod from the driver next to u. It means he liked the point stressed and that he seconds u!!! Isn't it a sign enough??? It is a silent message that says, "That's like it, bro!"

FOOTNOTE: After a similar rendezvous yesterday, we come to Big Bazaar for shopping. After shopping, I open the doors of the car so that I can keep all the bags inside. And then I realise that some asshole has banged at the tail-lamp of my car. I hadn't noticed it before and I know for sure that it's new. Instantly, I remember that particular brother from my brethren who did it to my car and all the possible combinations from the Universal Code of Brotherhood's Affection and his family!!!

TOENOTE: Finally, my eight semester results came. And I've managed to clear all the papers. And that too with marks that I never imagined. After four years in this University, it never ceases to amaze me!!!

NAILNOTE: Its two months since most of my friends finished their respective courses and most of them have landed jobs, or have joined for PG or are at least are into serious job hunting. Why doesn't this bother me even a lil bit??? Hope that I'll at least start studying for my Mock CATs seriously!

"It's so hard when I've to and so easy when I want to!!!"

Excuse me! Errr... Is that my crotch???

******** WARNING! THIS POST COULD TURN OUT TO BE GROSS!********

After being laid up with cold and sore throat for a week, I finally decided that I had to cut my hair. My hair was something I adored and admired (ahem ahem). Not that it was all that classy, or Tom Cruisy but I liked it. And I might add that I had a lot of admirers for my hair!!! Usually, I resisted the urge to cut hair till all the people in my flat would end up commenting on it and moves would start to allot a part of monthly maintenance towards my hair dressing!

But after catching cold three times in a month, I was frustrated with my hair. And I finally decided to cut my hair two days back. I had never been this desperate. Maybe, my feelings could be summed up in the fact that I was even ready to go all "motta”!!! And, so I land at the saloon where I have been going for a few years now.

For all the AC, TV and reclining chair, they charge me 50 bucks for cutting hair. Well, back in Palakkad, near my college, u could get that done with 18 bucks. The only problem would be that u would have to wait for some time, reading all the "painkili" magazines lying around there and double check that the scissors are not rusted. But the guys out there are quite friendly and by the time they finish the job on ur hair, they would have enough info on u that they could possibly sketch a family tree of urs dating back to 5 generations!!!

Getting back to my latest rendezvous with my hair-dresser (I always found this term funny. Back then, I used to imagine what if they really dressed my hair and put some miniskirts on that! Don't call me a perv :-)), I finally reach the saloon. At this time of the day, there is little rush and there is just another guy other than me. And there are a total of four chairs (yeah, this is what I was taking about!) and I sit on one of them. My usual dresser is nowhere to be found. The owner comes to me and I say "Crop it real close. I'm catching this cold frequently these days" and lie back in the chair. With my childish face (he would have never imagined that I'm an Engineer!) I didn't want to sound like those old days when moms used to warn before going to the "barber shop"- "Close crop or I won’t let u in the house!"

Due to the cold, I was frequently taking deep breaths thru my clogged nose (Yuck) to aid my oxygen intake! And I hadn't noticed how I was sitting on the chair. Of course, that white cloth was on me but other than that I hadn't cared how I sat. It was later I noticed that while one of my arms was resting on the armrest of the chair as it should have, the other one was holding the arm rest. Not holding actually; I should say gripping. Well, guys with some imagination, I hope u can imagine the scene. And for those with a poor imagination, I can't do anything!!!

The reason I came to realise this was when I felt something (ahem ahem) hot on my hand. And then I realised that it was his crotch pressing against my hand! For those interested in the biological aspect of this, the crotch is a little hotter than the rest of the body. They say that actually it should be 2 degrees colder, but experience tells me it is not! Well, enough of biology class. The still curious ones can Google it!

Well, it must have been some time that this has been going on cos he was in that position cutting my long locks from the side for quite some time now. I was too busy taking in air and watching out for falling hair. What if they land on my nose and what if they make me sneeze and what if I sneeze and what if some mucous comes out and what if it falls on the table or what if it lands on the mirror and what if....?

Suddenly, I remember Zohan from that crazy-pathetic-attempt-at-hillarious-movie-resulting-in-bad-sucker-movie You Don't Mess With The Zohan. Was he becoming another Adam Sandler with a gayish touch? When I realised this, my first instinct was to pull my hand back. But it was pressing real hard that I couldn't pull it without...err... hurting him! And I was not in any mood to meet his eyes. Is he really gay? Is he one of those who were really happy with the 377 Article??? I was thinking of all the possible combinations ranging from openly gay to paedophile!!!

In the first chance I got, I pulled my hand free! And he continued cutting my hair. At times, I took a peek at the mirror to see his face hoping to catch something that gave away his intentions. It showed nothing and I eased up again and was again busy adjusting the "sangathi" of my breath rhythm. And after sometime, I realised that my hand was again pressing against his all bulging groin; this time, my left hand! And I couldn't tolerate it anymore. I just pulled it at once and he jerked! He looked at me and I looked down. And as I was contemplating on his sexual orientation, I got a weird feeling. What if he was normal and he thought me as gay instead. He must have thought that I was having a "goodtime"!!! I couldn't imagine it. Even though I tried to dismiss it, it became more and more like it to me. I wanted to run away from there. I was brought back to reality by his voice "Is this enough?"

I wouldn't have minded having a little more hair removed but at this moment I just wanted to dash out from the saloon. I said it was enough. I gave his a 100 bucks note. Why the hell didn't I have a 50 bucks note??? And add to that, he didn't have change and had to search around to give me back the 50 bucks. As he gave me back the note, our eyes meet and he smiles at me. I don't know why, but suddenly the scenes from Dostana flashes before my eyes; the scene about how Abhi and John meet in Venice!!!

I dash out of the saloon. And I get onto my bike without another look towards the saloon. And I reach back my flat under one minute. I just can't think of what happened within the last half an hour. I begin to curse the moment I felt like cutting my hair. And as I take a cold shower, I decide that I would never ever set my foot again in that saloon! Never!!! And presently. I'm contemplating on self-sanctions against travelling before the shop for another couple of months!!!

FOOTNOTE: After I crop my hair, I catch fever and was confined to bed for the past two days. Had an awesome time sleeping for most part and more importantly, watching cartoons! My favs now are Jungle Cubs, Jungle Book, Timon and Pumbaa, Loney Tales and plus all those series on Toon Disney!!! If u want to know the timing, sms me. :-)

TOENOTE: More and more people are taking to blogging it seems. Vyshu has hit the stands. Welcome Bro!!!

NAILNOTE: As I was watching Sholay today, I had this crazy idea. Why don't I make a post-fighting episode to it? Nothing like the RGV (Sick) sequel. Just for gags!!! Wait till I pen down the script. Till then, Cheers!!!